View Full Version : Florida Supreme Court Decides Afghan Election

10-16-2004, 05:13 PM
Florida Supreme Court Decides Afghan Election
10/11/04 TALLAHASSEE, Florida

The Florida Supreme Court has been called on to determine the outcome of the primitive and chaotic elections (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20041009/D85K2RL00.html) held last week in Afghanistan. The election pitted American-backed interim president Hamid Karzai against fifteen ethnically and politically diverse opponents.

In a land where longstanding clan loyalties and family connections, and not democratic institutions, rule, the newly-certified election has apparently produced a surprise winner: former Tennessee Senator Albert Gore, Jr. (http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/usa/al-gore/)

"This is a travesty!" Karzai told an international press conference this morning. "I was assured that free and fair elections wouldn't interfere with my status as head of the American-installed democratic puppet government. A deal's a deal."

Ethnic warlords in the decimated nation are equally outraged. "For years we've been doing business with your CIA," complained one. "Now they rig an election, and all of a sudden they act like they never heard of pure Afghan heroin. The Americans have betrayed us for the last time."

Even the ostensible winner of the election seems to be having second thoughts. "I'd like to thank the Florida Supreme Court for this honor," President Gore insisted. "Nonetheless, I demand a recount in selected sectors of Afghanistan. Er, to insure that these historical elections are seen as legitimate by the Afghan people, of course.

"Just like our elections."


The United States Supreme Court has just overruled the Florida Supreme Court and claimed jurisdiction in the contested Afghan elections.

After an emergency overnight meeting, the court has overturned the election of former Tennessee Senator Al Gore.

The new winner: Neil Bush (http://www.austinchronicle.com/issues/dispatch/2001-03-16/pols_feature3.html), the underachieving brother of US President George Bush (http://www.disinfopedia.org/wiki.phtml?title=George_W._Bush) and Florida Governor Jeb Bush (http://www.miami.com/mld/miami/4221945.htm).

Other deserving Bush offspring (http://www.hereinreality.com/gonewild.html) are reportedly lining up to accept democratically-elected presidencies and governorships as they become available.

2004 RealStupidNews