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suraya
07-28-2005, 08:52 AM
OK GUYS HERE ARE SOME JOKES. HOPE U LIKE EM. THERE IS PROFANITY USED IN SOME AND HOPE THAT U GUYS DON'T MIND. :)


A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".

"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."




A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."



Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the ******* who pushed me in the pool!"




The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."





There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"




A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding?" The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding." The mans wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles." "SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite." Then the cop says, "well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?" "No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up" the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!" Curios, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way?" "No" she replies, " Only when he's drinking!"

Miss-Afghani
07-28-2005, 09:27 AM
hey sis ..surya jaan thnx for sharing;)

heres a joke!:D






Once A Man Was On Vacation. He Enjoyed The Place So Much That He Could Not Resist But Send A Telegram To He Wife Saying -- "Wish You Were Here". When He Reached Home, He Was Welcomed Very Dangerously. Reason? -- A Distorted Message Saying -- "Wish You Were Her".



Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.




Husband (Reading the morning paper): Another cup of coffee! Wife: Arenít you going to the office today? Husband: Oh, my goodness. I thought I was at the office!


The doctor told me to take this medicine after a hot bath. I could hardly finish drinking the bath!





http://img91.exs.cx/img91/9544/75f991bce91vr.gif
http://img91.exs.cx/img91/5282/tumsemilke7jg.gif

suraya
07-28-2005, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by Miss-Afghani
hey sis ..surya jaan thnx for sharing;)

heres a joke!:D






Once A Man Was On Vacation. He Enjoyed The Place So Much That He Could Not Resist But Send A Telegram To He Wife Saying -- "Wish You Were Here". When He Reached Home, He Was Welcomed Very Dangerously. Reason? -- A Distorted Message Saying -- "Wish You Were Her".



Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.




Husband (Reading the morning paper): Another cup of coffee! Wife: Arenít you going to the office today? Husband: Oh, my goodness. I thought I was at the office!


The doctor told me to take this medicine after a hot bath. I could hardly finish drinking the bath!





http://img91.exs.cx/img91/9544/75f991bce91vr.gif
http://img91.exs.cx/img91/5282/tumsemilke7jg.gif

u r welcome anytime. your joke are so funny:laugh: :laugh:

good that u enjoyed it i will post more later.

;)

Sepehr
07-29-2005, 12:17 AM
Originally posted by suraya

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the ******* who pushed me in the pool!"

koshti mara az khanda Suraya jan with this joke of urs .. lol :D :D

suraya
07-29-2005, 06:57 AM
Originally posted by Aarian
koshti mara az khanda Suraya jan with this joke of urs .. lol :D :D

i'm glad that u like it.;)

suraya
08-03-2005, 12:34 PM
ok here's a joke. enjoy.:)

In Memory of all those who love their boss !

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP
CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

Sepehr
08-04-2005, 05:31 AM
Originally posted by suraya
ok here's a joke. enjoy.:)

In Memory of all those who love their boss !

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP
CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

:thumbsup: :D :D

Her0
08-04-2005, 05:38 AM
Nice joke's!

Mariamjaan
08-04-2005, 07:41 AM
Suraya Jaan ,
These are just tooo funny.


:lol: :lol: :D :D
*****more more plzzzzz.....